Through all of our millions of reasons or excuses we develop to put that very attainable goal on the back burner is this thing called fear. As an imperfect perfectionist who will stretch her clients in the best ways, encourage them to fearlessly leap into places they would rather hide and then tuck in her skirt and slip out the back door when it's her turn to shine..I get it.
I am completely empathetic with those people who use the phrases: I am not sure, I don't really know how, I can't do that, maybe next time,etc and I'm here to serve you with an amazing high pitched blah, Blah and big ole BLAH! That back-burner that you keep putting your ideas and goals and essentially yourself on are being burnt to a complete crisp.
I've done a lot of pushing people to see their brilliance. I've poured and poured into people; urging them to reveal their greatness all the while I hid my own. I fought myself to share the simplest of things because as a branding consultant and editor I am also privy to how judgmental and mean people can be. This and a host of insecurities told me that in order to share something it had to be perfect.
Thank God, that's a bunch of BS (<---Belief System). This means one thing...
With much practice and some gumption you can change this BS!
In order to work through this I had to apply what I called The Three C's: Change my definition, Challenge myself and Celebrate my wins.
1.) Change Your Definition
This step is crucial! It requires you to identify some truths you may not be willing to admit to. When I got real with myself and what I considered my "perfectionism," I realized it was me using the word "perfectionist" to mask my fear of failure.
So now where I used the word Perfectionist, I had to use what it really meant to me...Fear 😬😣
In being successful there is a huge weight of accountability and responsibility linked to not only you but the people you employ, your family, your friends, your pets, your almost paid off student loans,...you get the idea. I associated failing at what I perceived success to be, with letting people down.I then associated disappointing others with all things stomach cramps, sad songs and rain pouring down the day of an expensive outdoor wedding.
In order to change my definition I had to look at the ways being a perfectionist has served me and the ways it hasn't. There are pro's and con's to this, I promise....YAYYYYY!
a. Pro: It is a key component in my desire and commitment to provide quality products and services.
Con: When it's time to dig into doing things that would best serve myself, i've already exhausted all of my energy; therefore, par was acceptable for me.
b. Pro: I go the extra mile.
Con: Going the extra mile is cute and all, but it's called a mile for a reason. You have to learn when to stop, replenish, catch your breath and if need be, stop to relax your muscles if you ever want to go the extra mile again.
c. Pro – I can never accept failure from myself. Con – I can never accept failure from myself. (Oh, but I've learned to now!)
Accepting the pro's and taking a look at the con's of my perfectionist ways/fear of failure, I am able to check and then balance out a major truth...There is no such thing as perfect (not in this world), only the perception of perfection. (Mic drop)
2.) Challenge Yourself
Being a "perfectionist" can hinder you from shining bright in a world that deserves your light. This means that while we are amazing at fixing the aesthetic for others so that they can be their very best, we tend to struggle with shining the light on ourselves.
In gaining some sound advice from an amazing life coach and friend, I was able to use my realized fear to challenge myself. The challenge required me to do the things that scared me the most (within reason). No, you won't find me swimming with sharks during shark week, but you will hear me talk about my business more than I used to. You will find me sharing things transparently about myself because while I am a perfectionist with branding, I am also passionate about revealing to ultimately aid in ones healing hence the creation of my show I Want My Pink Back and co-owned business network Women Win 2Gether. (<---shameless plug)
The truth is there is strength in pushing past your fears of how your imperfections will be viewed. At this stage you've hopefully changed your definition and you've gained some insight on what's preventing you from releasing the weight of being perfect. If not I am hoping the next step will help you dive into proudly accepting your awesomeness.
3.) Celebrate Your Wins
Celebrate yourself....Whew, If only it were as easy to do as it was to type it. This step was the hardest one for me personally due to my lack of understanding. If you're like me, you associate celebrating yourself with 2 spoonfuls of showing off and a splash of arrogance. This is so far from the truth.
The definition (according to the cambridge dictionary) of celebrate means:
verb [ I/T ] US /ˈsel·əˌbreɪt/
2.) to express admiration and approval for something or someone
3.) to take part in special enjoyable activities in order to show that a particular occasion is important
Everyday you take time out to reach a goal. You've planned extensively in an effort to please someone else. You've applied pressure towards yourself and your endeavor, why not celebrate the diamond that manifests from that.
Remember this is not something that will will happen overnight. If you are presently a perfectionist you can work towards not letting perfectionism control you. This is your time to break through your limits and enjoy the beauty of your creative process. Don't allow this to hinder you from reaching your full potential!